clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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