you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
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If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
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I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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