I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
