you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
They took my balls.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
