remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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