don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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