Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
