I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
