Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
