Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
