you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
