Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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