The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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