Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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