I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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