dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
ugly people sure do ruin things
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
