Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
