The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
