Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
