You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
