i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
