jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
