I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize