I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm both gender and math confused
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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