508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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