Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
