I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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