So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize