Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
