Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
