i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize