Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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