I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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