Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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