Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
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Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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