Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
