In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
