im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
