This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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