I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
