how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
