Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
