if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I am spending my child support on dildos
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
