I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
