He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
