Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
