all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
