Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
