I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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