she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize