My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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