Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
