Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
