Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
