The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
