It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
