I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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