i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
