I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just pee around me
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
