We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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