I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He felt like a one man threesome
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
