I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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