Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
