i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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